I gotta give it to my ex. He Is willing to let me pick which week I have the kids for Christmas, and he's willing to spend Christmas Eve and Day with us at my house rather than split up the kids. WHen does this happen?!!! ANd yet I feel relief on his part, too. We might not enjoy being together, but at least we don't have to miss the greatest moments with our kids. Most importants, our kids don't have to miss either of us.

Of course, my boyfriend HATES this. I can't really blame him. Who wants their girlfriend hanging out with their ex on major holidays? But I finally convinced him to relent by saying., "Please don't take my kids away from me at Christmas." And I meant it.

It's weird having your ex over when a playdate (including the other mom) is at your house. But it works. Let me explain: Son desperately wants a playdate with a new friend. He's having some trouble with friends right now, so I feel this is important. Ex-hubby agrees, but it's his weekend with the kids and he's flown out from across the country. So I say, Why not just have everyone over at my house? We agree.

Other Mom shows up at my house with kids. SHe looks at both of us a bit confused. She knows I'm divorced, and she's a serious Catholic. Why on earth would we be hanging out? Has she gotten herself into some weird relationship?

Yet the conversation flows and everyone has fun. You can count on ex to be a charmer. A flake sometimes but always a charmer.

Other Mom sees me on Monday and I broach the subject so she's not embarrassed. SHe's relieved. "Why did you ever get divorced in the first place? You get along so well."

Glad she didn't see the flask in my pocket.

Slowly I am getting my list of babysitters together. I started by begging the neighborhood moms. Who knew that 13 years old were so useful? They don't drive, date or have lives. They play with the kids and they are fairly cheap.

Of course, my oldest ended up getting sick on some food he had eaten earlier that day, so I felt terrible. And of course the babysitter couldn't get hold of me on my cell phone.

But she took care of it. There was nothing to clean up, anhd I had a really fun night out.

I fight between that guilt, however, and regaining my freedom. Does the guilt ever go away? I guess it does when the kids grow up.